Lessons Learned

So, five days into baby #2, I've already noticed a few things I'm pointedly doing differently from how I did them with JJ. Some things are just happening differently, others are "yeah, we're not doing that this time".  It's a bit of a mind warp to realize.


1. Taking the Anne Geddes pictures.  Oh, I took tonnes of pictures when JJ was born, you all know this, but I didn't really take the "posed" stuff as a rule. This time, yeah, doing it.

Because they only do this for the first few weeks.

2. Naps.

 

 

 Cute, right?

You might think that's a picture of JJ... until you look closer and realize that in the upper left is the rocking elephant I *just* gave to JJ about six months ago. Nope, that's Anabelle, and she's having a nap in the living room.

See, with JJ, we put him to sleep in his cosleeper, in the bedroom, with a CD of a thunderstorm playing, or a fan blowing, for white noise. Then we proceeded to tiptoe and whisper and treat the sleeping baby like an active IED, because, clueless first-timers. It got us a two year old who Will. Not. Sleep. anywhere else unless he's so tired he just can't keep his eyes open anymore.

I am absolutely determined that Ana is going to learn to sleep when she needs sleep, regardless of what noise is going on around her. So except for actual night-time sleeping, she hasn't napped in the bedroom, but out in the common areas with the normal household activities going on. Neither am I letting anyone constantly shush the two year old (though he is getting lessons in the concept of "indoor voices").  Right this minute, Ana is sleeping with her head pillowed on my knee, on the living room couch, with the tv on (at a normal volume), and right outside the wide-open windows, John is mowing the grass and JJ is harassing the dog. Loudly.

 She's not even twitching.

3. Charting breastfeeds and diapers.  Most moms will recognize this, or something like it:

Or maybe you used an app on your preferred electronic device. When JJ was born, trixietracker.com was my best friend. (And it's GREAT, for those of you who like to track diapers, feeds, meds, naps, etc.) Except it really really wasn't a good thing for me at all. My massively OCD self got extremely hung up on all the beautiful numbers it allowed me to keep track of, and it turned into a source of stress when baby didn't behave according to the charts.

So this time? Not doing that. Just not. Like, at all. I've been keeping it in my head day by day what diapers I got the day before, and that is good enough. I'm not writing down feed times, whether she started on the left or the right, or giving myself minutes of feeding time to obsess over. Just not. She's gaining weight and requiring diapers changed, and even if I leave her entirely to her own devices she's not slept longer than 3 hours at a stretch. Today I'm purposely getting her up to feed more often, trying to get her to do more of the cluster-feeding during the day, because I like sleep, but otherwise?

So. Not. Tracking. ANYTHING.

4. Introductions to pets.  With JJ, I didn't let the cats anywhere near him until he was turning over on his own, and certainly not when he was sleeping.  No, I don't have any silly ideas about the cat sucking the breath from the baby. But the smallest of my cats outweighs a newborn by a good fifteen pounds. So squashing the baby is a definite possibility.

BUT... 

          

Unbelievable cuteness.

See, Minnows loves babies. He adored JJ and made a very effective feline babysitter once I allowed him around the baby. So that's happening early this time too. And seriously, LOOK at that face. How can I say no? 


5. Cosleeping. Right from the get go. With JJ, he stayed in the cosleeper at first. I lasted 4 nights being woken up every 30 minutes by a crying infant. By the time he had his first checkup, I was so completely fried I could barely keep my eyes open. That doctor told me to bring him into the bed, just keep the pillows & blankets away from him and put him between me and the cosleeper, not me & daddy. It worked, suffice to say. This time? Right straight to the bedsharing. First two nights, I swapped beds with JJ so I could put the baby between me and the wall. Then it was just too much to remember, because that means putting JJ to sleep in our bed, and he's not used to it and doesn't sleep as well, etc. So we switched back, and the last couple of nights have been much smoother. She's got a little DIY "moses basket" made out of pool noodle that creates a small protected space, but otherwise? Right in next to mama the way we like it.

Baby's gonna go out into the yard for the first time here as soon as she wakes up, which is also different, but that's due to the season, not the life lessons of child #2! It was sorta winter when JJ was this size, and yeah, going outdoors with the baby is a lot easier in the summer time!

So how 'bout it, folks? What did you do differently with kid #2?

So... we have a newborn... again!

Wow.


Just wow.


Anabelle Marie Rose...



Born June 21st, 2014, the summer solstice, at 1:57 in the morning.


7 pounds, 13 ounces.


Our first girl.


Her brother is thrilled.




Even if it means he has to share the milk.






So, I've been doing some thinking. A friend jokingly linked me to a rather snarkily written "Rules for Visiting a New Mom". I laughed at some, nodded vigorously at others, and winced in pain at the comments decrying the author as a selfish, entitled brat for suggesting that friends and family consider and prioritize a family's needs above their own desire to snuggle on the squishy little person.

A quick google search on "tips for visiting a new baby" or similar reveals that everyone has an opinion on appropriate guest behavior when visiting the parents of a newborn. Everyone also has an opinion on the general character of those who share such lists, and it's usually not complimentary, generally freaking out over the idea of providing that "village" of supportive care to a family with a newborn.

Americans are weird, yo. Seriously weird. From third to first world, most other countries have traditions respecting the postpartum woman as a recovering, healing person in need of rest and support, and many have extensive laws protecting that status. American women are expected to "get back to normal" and resume jobs, classes, household obligations, parental duties for older children, etc, within weeks or even days of birth.

Very weird.

But not what I came back to the blog to write about today. :) (I can hear the sighs of relief from here, folks. Stop it. :P)

I won't be issuing a PSA of rules and regs for visiting Casa Nolan and gazing upon our newborn. By accident, choice, or divine interference, in the past year or so, all our acquaintances of the sort to need such a list (and thus to assume it did not apply to them because, they're *special*) have serendipitously removed themselves from our lives. Everyone who is still around and thus reading this post? Of COURSE we want to see you! (I promise, I won't even obsess about hand-washing!)

No… what I brought the blog back to write today is a different sort of list entirely. This one's all for me. See, I can't control what anybody else does. I can't dictate helpfulness or consideration, or mandate the use of common sense, much as we'd all like to sometimes! The only person I can control is me. So I'm going to make everyone I know a few promises tonight, and you're all witnesses! Hold me to it!


The Mommy Of the Newborn's Promise

1. I will put my own air mask on first. I will sleep when the baby sleeps whenever possible. I will sit my behind on the couch and watch kids' shows with my two year old while we figure out this tandem nursing thing so he doesn't get too jealous of his baby sister. I will remember to eat, healthfully and on a regular basis, and keep a full water bottle at my side at all times. I will not lift anything heavier than the baby for the next six weeks. I will make the time to take relaxing baths and drink chamomile tea and rest my soul along with my body. I will remember that I have just completed a 9 month marathon, only to start another that doesn't stop until my last kid moves out of the house. I will take care of myself.

2. I will not turn down offers of help. All y'all know me. I'm the person who will answer "No thanks, we've got it covered" until everything falls apart and I'm standing in a Federally Declared Disaster Zone. Not this time. "What do you need?" will be answered truthfully, even if I have to stop and think about it for a second, and the answer is "only" baby wipes. Visitors who kindly and wonderfully ask what they can do to help will be graciously thanked and pointed at whatever needful task comes first to mind. "Watch the kids for an hour so I can take a shower and a nap" is definitely on the list, so be warned! :)

3. I will ask for help when it IS help, and not meltdown prevention. (Yeah, yeah, yeah… stop laughing, I'm serious.) I'm lousy at asking for help, we all know this. Thanks to a wonderful church family, I've gotten better about it in the last few months, but now I'm making a conscious decision to look at tomorrow, this Thursday, next week and say "The stuff we have planned will go a lot easier on everyone if I have another adult around to assist", and behave accordingly.  To say "Things are falling a bit behind and I could use some help" BEFORE no one has any clean clothes to wear, the lawn is three feet tall, and the fridge lacks basics because no one has done the shopping. So, yes, this means you will likely be seeing requests for child-minding/household help on a more regular basis. I'm not asking because I feel entitled. Because I don't, I'm actually fighting through thirty years of "God doesn't help the lazy, Laura!" programming to say a single word of it. I am asking because I desperately want to be the best mother I possibly can, and that does not happen flying solo. We all need our village, and I am officially reaching out to mine.

4. I will remember, and pay it forward. Creating our "village" in this modern age of technology is harder than ever before. We are simultaneously closer and more isolated than any generation of parents before us. I've always had that "fix-it" instinct, that natural inclination to dive in and help. But now I am committing to remember and pass on the aid I receive, to ask "What do you need?" instead of "Do you need anything?" To make the time in my world to make someone else's journey just a little bit easier. Need a hand? Ask me. If it's within my ability, I'm all over it, and if I seriously can't, most likely I can point you to someone more capable. 

At least, starting six weeks from today. Because, air mask. :)

15 months ... Mind. Blown. Seriously.

I love his expression here... "Yeah... you know I'm cute."

So. Fifteen Months. Yup, you read that right.  JJ is fifteen months old, has been for about two weeks.

And I am daily beset by that stunned feeling of "Wait... when did that happen????"

Because this kid is smart, y'all, I mean so smart it's just a little bit scary. And awesome. Watching as he explores and pokes and experiments, you can actually see him working stuff out, and it is the coolest damn thing I have ever experienced in my life.

Every single day he does something completely new.  Just lately he added the sign for "Diaper" to his working vocabulary, and is letting me know when he would like a change. He's decided that walking is awesome, and running looks even awesome-er... though he hasn't quite tried it yet! (YET being the operative word there.) He has (FINALLY) started to grasp that "JJ, no touch" or "No, sweetheart, not for JJ" isn't something to melt down over, it just means that whatever he's got his hand on isn't for him to play with. He even obeys and leaves it alone... most of the time.

He's SOOO big now... remember these pictures?

 

Yeah... 'bout that.

I would dearly love to get my hands on the sadistic excuse for a fairy godmother that decided now was a good time for JJ to start working on his 2-year molars.  Why?  Because after nearly two months of sleeping for almost 12 hours straight at night, we're back to this:

Constantly.

And by constantly, I mean there is no point wearing a top to bed, because if I waste the three seconds it takes to make the girls available, he wakes up, screams at me for being slow, and then refuses to go back to sleep. Much easier to simply leave the milk-bar ready and waiting.  During the day it's a bit easier, there's stuff to distract him with, but at night? Yeah, the no-limit wee-hours milk bar is back in play for the time being, because otherwise I would not be getting ANY sleep.

Oh, hey... remember this?

Well, now it's this:

And he has figured out that the dust pile is for sweeping, not sitting in... mostly.

 

"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SCARY MONSTER!!! RAWWWWRRR!!" 

This is one of his favorite games, you should hear the giggles.

 

We're just getting started on the whole "potty chair" concept... 

at least he's figured out that THIS is for sitting on!

The reward, though, for the sleep deprivation and endless trying of my patience is the smiliest, giggliest, most curious and determined little critter I've ever known.

 

Gotta love that face!!